Passing Judgment: One Bean at the Time
In therapy I develop awareness, the state of mind in which I radically accept the present moment, without judging or qualifying or placing any value on it. To surrender to the present implies no thoughts on the future or our possible legacy. It also means to abandon the weight of the past.
Early one morning, I start a simple experiment. I place a handful of beans in my right pocket and surrender to the practice of mindfulness. Each time I recognize a judging though I will pass one bean to the left pocket.
I start with my coffee ritual. Hold the coffee between my hands and walk to the patio outside to greet the day. “I made the coffee too weak.” I smile at the evaluation and move the first bean to the left pocket. An hour later, I am hiking downhill and appreciating the view of the ocean. A sad thought invades me, “My life could be so beautiful if …” I place another bean in my left pocket. In the supermarket, my eyes observe dirty feet. My mind says “pig.” I move one more bean to the other pocket.
The day goes on with its myriad of small insignificant events. At every instance I catch myself placing value in the images and experiences I live.
“The sun is too bright.”
“It is too hot.”
“I am not good enough at my job,”
Negativity weights, but I also think positive thoughts.
“That family seems happy.”
“She looks like a successful woman.”
“This essay I’m reading hits all the right chords.”
When I sit down to write, the flood of negative thoughts invade me.
“I am not a good writer. I lack discipline. Nobody is interested in what I have to say. That’s not the right word. Check the spelling of ….Who cares, nobody reads my blog anyway.”
I keep moving the beans from the right pocket to left pocket, passing judgment one bean at the time.
I don’t remark on how my body reacts to the sensory images I experience. I place moral value on the behavior of others. I qualify every moment of my day as good or bad.
I soon I discover I would need to walk around with a pound of beans in my pocket to complete the exercise. The next day, I narrow the exercise to just a couple of hours.
After a week of doing the bean exercise a few hours a day, I realize that the impulse of placing value on all my experiences takes away from the joy of living in the present. It will be necessary to repeat this exercise frequently and for a long time to break the habit.
Spanish version follows
Juzgar: un frijolito a la vez.
En terapia aprendo a desarrollar atención plena, el estado de la mente en el cual acepto radicalmente el momento presente, sin juzgar o calificar o dar valor alguno. Entregarse al presente implica no pensar en el futuro, o en nuestro posible legado. También significa abandonar el peso del pasado.
Temprano una mañana, comienzo un experimento simple. Coloco un puñado de caraotas (frijoles) en mi bolsillo derecho y me entrego a la práctica de conciencia plena. Cada vez que reconozco un pensamiento de valor pasaré un frijol al bolsillo izquierdo.
Comienzo con el ritual del café. Colocó la taza entre mis manos y camino hacia el patio a saludar el día. “Me quedó aguado.” Sonrío a la evaluación y paso el primer grano al bolsillo izquierdo. Una hora más tarde, camino colina abajo y aprecio la vista del mar. “Mi vida sería tan linda si …” Coloco otro granito en mi bolsillo izquierdo. En el supermercado, mis ojos observan unos pies sucios. Mi mente dice, cochino.” Paso otro granito al otro bolsillo.
El día continua con su infinidad de eventos insignificantes. A cada instante, me veo colocando un valor a las imágenes o experiencias que vivo.
“El sol esta fuerte.”
“Hace calor.”
“No hago bien mi trabajo.”
La negatividad pesa, pero también tengo pensamientos positivos.
“Esa parece una familia feliz.”
“Ella se ve exitosa.”
“Este ensayo que estoy leyendo da en la clave.”
Cuando me siento a escribir, me invade la avalancha de pensamientos negativos. “No soy una buena escritora; carezco de disciplina. A nadie le interesa lo que tengo que decir.” “Esa no es la palabra adecuada.” “Revisa la ortografía…” “Qué importa, de todas maneras nadie lee mi blog.”
Continuo pasando granitos del bolsillo derecho al izquierdo, emitiendo juicio un granito a la vez.
No presto atención a como mi cuerpo reacciona a las imágenes sensoriales que percibo. Le otorgo un juicio de valor a la conductas de los demás. Califico cada momento de mi vida como bueno o malo.
Pronto descubro que tendría que caminar con una libra de granos en mi bolsillo para completar el ejercicio. El día siguiente, limito el ejercicio a un par de horas.
Después de una semana haciendo el ejercicio de la caraota por unas pocas horas al día, me doy cuenta que el impulso de juzgar todas mis experiencias le resta al deleite de vivir en el momento. Va a ser necesario repetir este ejercicio con frecuencia para romper el hábito.
Excelente! Love this post! And I’m so impressed that you take the time to translate. I need to re-evaluate my approach as I’d also like Spanish speakers (who don’t read English very well or at all) to engage with my blog. I love this meditation exercise so much. I love how you were able to go through your day and be aware of all the negative vs positive moments. Very powerful! Thank you for sharing. Abrazos 🙂
Gracias, Sabrosona. I love traslating my work because I think it reaches a wider audience. The meditation exercises are teaching me a lot about myself. Thanks for your support.
You’re welcome 🙂 Spanish is not my first language. I feel overwhelmed translating more complex ideas and emotions, life experiences etc.
Forgive me, my memory is terrible sometimes, but have I already asked you to do a Q&A for my blog regarding the views and opinions of mental illness in the Latino community?
I would really love your input (no pressure, lol).
Yes. You asked me. I am going to have time off on Wednesday this week. Send me a message to set up an appointment. I am going to ask a couple of friends of mine who do therapy in Spanish to see if they want to participate.
I have another person interested in joining this conversation. How about Wednesday 11 a.m. Pacific Time?
I just sent you an email 🙂
Got it.
Reblogged this on my spanglish familia and commented:
Excellent Spanglish post (written in English & Spanish), On meditation and passing judgment; when we divide people & experiences into good vs bad. Please comment on Lisbeth’s site. Gracias 🙂
Loved this post Lisbeth. I read your blog. I like your writing style and always have since I first heard you read aloud. That bean exercise is intense. I am curious, did you find beans in random places after finishing the exercise?
There are beans all over the place. I am still doing the exercise. Last night I passed three beans to my left pocket in 1/2 hour. It’s going to take a long time.