On Saturday, a person tried to humiliate me by sending a brief message through my personal email account. The message was simple, characteristic of the small mind that sent it: a picture of me in a less than favorable light, with language referring to my face, “not good, bad, bad.”
I suffer from a rare skin condition called Dowling Degos. Except for occasionally checking for any signs of skin cancer, I do not worry about my skin problem as a medical condition. It is ugly, keeps getting uglier with age, and there is nothing I can do to change it. I don’t even have to take medicine for it.
Ever since I was a teenager I have struggled to accept the many blemishes on my skin as part of my identity. The condition has stirred my insecurities. As a young woman, I daydreamed of having porcelain complexion, unblemished and smooth. I started picking obsessively on my face at nights when I was alone in the bathroom, a bad habit that remains to this day, or when I felt really angry about something. When it became obvious that it would not go away, I prayed for a miracle until I stopped believing. (But that’s another issue.)
Sometimes, I call myself “fea, eres fea” unable to accept this thing on my face and other parts of my body. Some other times I’m grateful because as ugly as it makes me feel, it is manageable and won’t kill me.
This is Dowling Degos Disease does to skin, in simple terms: my pores are too wide and are interconnected like in a net. They look like blackheads or zits, and are surrounded by dark spots. Cysts are common. Additionally, I have a scar on the left side of my chin, from a failed dermabrasion performed on my face when I was 28 years old.The new skin came out several tones lighter than my natural tan. Direct exposure to sunlight produces dark spots on my face not because of Dowling Degos, but as a consequence of the failed dermabrasion. In addition, some of the medication I take for my mental condition make me even more sensitive to sunlight increasing the hyper pigmentation. So I wear wide rim hats (Coolibar) and sunscreen (Thinksport SPF 50) by the pound. Other than that, I consider myself lucky. Dowling Degos doesn’t hurt me or anyone coming near me.
Because women are so busy earning money, raising children, educating themselves, keeping healthy, and fighting patriarchy, I find it interesting that another woman found the time to search for a picture of me on the web, copy it to her desktop, and paste it on an email just to elicit a negative reaction from me. It had the opposite result. The bully’s message prompted me to write about Dowling Degos Disease.
Thanks for the idea of educating my audience about what it is like to live with a genetic and rare skin condition and how it has affected my life.
Cyberbullying does hurt people, though. That’s a disease of the soul.
Note: This is not paid advertisement. I trust and use the products referred to in this article.
Since the first time I heard you read a story, I was struck by your courage and clarity. I have very mixed feelings about “beauty,” but know brilliance and power when I’m near it. Thank you so much for your work, Lisbeth!
Thank you, Norma. I appreciate your kind words.
Hola Lisbeth; gracias por escribir y publicar este artículo, me ayudo mucho leerlo. El bullying en todas sus formas y manifestaciones debe ser denunciado y rechazado. Segui escribiendo, tus palabras siempre están llenas de mucha fuerza y valentía.
Gracias, Johanna. Me alegra que te haya gustado mi ensayo sobre el acoso cibernético. Pero lo importante es reafirmarnos como mujeres sólidas y valientes como tú. Abrazos.
Hola Lisbeth; gracias por publicar este artículo, me ayudo mucho el leerlo. El bullying debe ser denunciado y rechazado. Sigue escribiendo please.
Eres una de las mujeres mas talentosa, unica, fuerte y especial que conozco. La belleza qu vemos en otros, el solo acto de poder “ver y sentir belleza” depende de los ojos que la miran y reflejo de lo que muchas veces miramos en nosotros mismos. Hay que ser bella para poder admirar la verdadera belleza. Obviamente esa “mujer” de bella no tiene nada y solo es digna de tenerle pena por estar ciega y proyectar su propia fealdad en los demas. Como victima personalmente de bulling te digo que te rias del vacio y la falta de amor que esa mujer tiene en su vida, que saca tiempo para quitarle valia a los demas a fin de ella sentirse alguien. Gracias por el escrito. Tu fuerza y belleza trascienden tus palabras. Un abrazo.
Gracias, Iskralin. Sometimes one has write out what inside to be able to see beauty. Thank you.
I am so happy to see that you didn’t give that childish woman the power to bring you down. You took her attempt to insult you and turned it into something empowering and relatable to many other people. You are a truly are a phenomenal woman.
Gracias. That’s what true feminist, give tools to other women to navigate their own journeys.
You are beautiful. I have always thought so. I’m sorry someone projected their own ugliness onto you.
That’s true. Bullying stems from the bully’s own insecurities and low self-esteem.